what'd he say?

tonight is my class and the editor has a dinner with a bunch of other gurus. conveniently close to where i'll be, so we'll reconnoiter for a glass of wine (oy, i might need more than one) before heading over the river. we've only e-mailed and texted since the "slip", so i've not been able to *hear* anything in his voice.

i feel incredibly anxious. let's hope overly so.

i'm happy to have such a pleasant distraction before i see him tonight. i've decided not to mention it. he said it, he owns it. do i say i'm still in love with someone else? not that that truly would prevent me from loving another, but he doesn't have to know that. it surely seems kinder than saying i just don't feel the same thing. it's been a long time since i had a conversation like that and it was horrible. might i grow to love him? dunno. i've always decided that sort of thing quickly, for better or worse. i'm confident to know it's not that i'm disallowing myself to feel it. so that part is true. i think.

i really only wanted an affair of the flesh, not of the heart. dammit.hell, maybe i'm just old and didn't hear what he actually said!