the view from here, cont'd.

the editor was on tv tonight. it's a monthly spot that he films in advance, but he seemed far more at ease this time than last. he was smart and wry and just the way i like him. the way he mostly is.a few nights ago i was out with a friend and i said: "i guess i could start using his name, rather than calling him *the editor*." my friend replied, "oh dear, well, he's very important!" which made me feel squirmy and weird, cuz he is. it's the first time in my life i've ever felt unsure of myself because of the man's position. he moves in the circles of international intellectual power. yet he thinks i'm smart too. can't i accept the opinion of a man whose brain is so esteemed?

he's yet to stump me, which has him both fascinated and frustrated, lol. it's funny because we both dive into the same pools of interest. the g.c. and i had some divergent mental pursuits, but the editor and i seem to travel the same thorny mental paths. i suppose i should feel flattered that i keep up. but all that harvard mingling and nyc intelligentsia hobnobbing winds around me like acrid smoke. i hold my own with him, and have no doubt i'd do just fine at cocktails. other than tolerating the pretense.

from whence comes the doubt?