other folks

it's very hard to know what our friends and family truly think of us. they look one way, say something palliative, then we process what we like. we do know they probably want us to be happy and unhurt.

over dinner a dear friend expressed dire concern. shouldn't i be rutting all over town? why wasn't i busy jacking myself all over the city? frankly i hadn't thought of it consciously. without deliberate intent, i've slipped into essential monogamy with the editor. no declaration is forthcoming, but i'm ... content.

my friend was concerned i was too soon off devastating heartbreak to know what i was doing. he truly worried that by limiting myself to one guy, i might be more prone to be hurt. i assured him i'm fine. my wall is strong. as much affection, excitement and respect i feel for the editor, i know it's not yet love. it doesn't really matter why or why not, ya know?

i feel mostly happy most of the time.

my job hunt, though slow, feels positive too.

the editor likes me and i like him.

i'm mostly ok with these small steps.

i wouldn't run away from a lightning strike though.