pluralistic ignorance

as much as safire gets my goat with his too often hoity-toity waspiness, i do love when he zips out wingers like this one today. it led an article rich with phrases like "one swell foop", "elitist language snobs and the anarchic language slobs", (oh, how i've railed so frequently about the latter, and make no apology for cozying up to the former) and finally "mediacrities". word nerd nirvana.

as my curious noodle is wont to do, trolling ensued for the origin and better context. a condition fostered by homophily, which was recognized at least as far back as aristotle: "we love those most like ourselves." in social situations we gravitate to people with whom we feel mental and emotional kinship. it also takes into consideration the "looking glass" theory of perception. our idea of *self* based on what we see, thus others must see the same; notions attach themselves to whatever we find most similar to our own tendencies. most people seek out the cocoon of sameness. this then grows larger, and because those around us think like us, we assume most everybody does. this can be nefarious, like with neo-nazism, or ethically important like free school lunches.

shock and wobbliness ensue when this falters. as a superficial example, i'm often surprised when someone i'm becoming acquainted with is in favor of the death penalty. i have plenty of ammunition to shoot down his reasons, but i won't change his mind, and no doubt he was equally taken aback by my opposition.

in a more personal context, i was in a long affair with a married man. in the mirror, i saw lots of people around me engaged in adultery, and projected many more held the same sliding fidelity scale as the g.c. and i did. ripped from his embrace by the harsh truth of a wife and children, i admit i tenacously held a false construct in which i found unjustified comfort. the reality is i know far more people happily and monogamously paired.

for many years, i worked with incredibly smart, well-traveled, terribly interesting people. how easily i forgot the lunkheads with whom i'd previously toiled, and it lulled me into thinking i'd find mental compatriots down the line. instead, i've spent the last several years underwhelmed by even the banter, and unable to achieve discourse of any worth. add utter lack of mental challenge from many of my duties and my brain has been at very low rpms.
which gets me to a thorny place. these last weeks i've been the victim of several nasty "bait and switch" routines. sure, i'm quite good at what i do, but the demand for my skill in this city remains small and very poorly paid. the other duties owners want me to focus on bore me to tears. throw in "all owners are assholes" (quote from sage friend, lol) and smack myself with a homer "duh". just because i want it, that doesn't mean it's out there. i wanted a pony at one point too, ya know? i've kept myself in a comfort zone of "oh, well, i can do this," rather than seeking another outlet for my skill set. i've identified as one thing for a long time and have not been thinking outside the box.

instead of "birds of a feather", let's work on "familiarity breeds contempt."

i need some fresh air and a long walk. maybe i can find a 3-card monte game in the commons. :)