discussing obama's stimulus bill, one of our country's congressmen had this to say:
Rep. John Boozman (R-Ark.) "The American public expects for us to get in and know what we're voting on, but there are very few members from Congress that are going to have time to actually read this thing. This is not light reading," Boozman added. "It's difficult reading, it involves policy and things. Right now, because of those things, I will probably vote against it."
yes. it's really long. it's got numbers and stuff. who has time to read all that? what's he busy doing? diddling staff pages? is he kidding me? who reads most of the crap that gets passed? anybody? nobody read the damn patriot act either, but that malevolent document sailed right through both houses.
then again, i know arkansas scores near the bottom of states' literacy rates, so maybe the guy can't read at all.
and as the michael phelps bong hoo-hah continues, that town sheriff rounded up 8 kids to arrest and netted less than an ounce of pot. even stoned, that's not funny. (of course here, it's not even a crime, lol.) isn't there some internet bully the cops can stalk, or craigs' list hooker teachers in that neck of the woods? what's a boss hog to do these days?
Friday, February 13, 2009
even the pretty must suffer
this week, in resexenomics.
from the ny post:
"the perks at Fashion Week are taking a weird turn downmarket. High-powered fashion editors and retail merchants - who in seasons past have hauled off gift bags of Victoria's Secret lingerie, Calvin Klein perfume and Estée Lauder cosmetics - will be treated this year to McDonald's, Budweiser and Jell-O."
while mclattes may be steaming backstage, i have yet to see a pic of anna wintour cradling anything but starbucks in her bony hands this week.
ky is also in the swag bags, so at least the fashionistas won't have to bone in dryness. although if you're really busting the budget, i suppose you could use the jello for lube and still have a snack afterward.
the copy reads: "his excites. her's delights. together they ignite." some kind of binary sex bomb? lots of spontaneous combustion between the sheets may tax our already underserviced and overburdened fire departments, so be careful with this stuff, kids! (lighter fluid is probably cheaper anyway...)
on a happier note, pernod-ricard reported a surge in sales last quarter, up 16%. they own absolut, which, if anybody was watching, ran an advert during the grammy show, and in some markets during the superbowl. hard booze hasn't been on tv commercials in decades, but when car dealers and red lobster cut back their ad budgets, something has to fill the airspace and pay the salaries for the skeletons on "gossip girls".
can't afford a night out? so huddle in front of your amish electric heater, get your honey in your snuggie, crack a 6-pack, lube up and get down.
drunk sex may just save our economy, america. count me in.
from the ny post:
"the perks at Fashion Week are taking a weird turn downmarket. High-powered fashion editors and retail merchants - who in seasons past have hauled off gift bags of Victoria's Secret lingerie, Calvin Klein perfume and Estée Lauder cosmetics - will be treated this year to McDonald's, Budweiser and Jell-O."
while mclattes may be steaming backstage, i have yet to see a pic of anna wintour cradling anything but starbucks in her bony hands this week.
ky is also in the swag bags, so at least the fashionistas won't have to bone in dryness. although if you're really busting the budget, i suppose you could use the jello for lube and still have a snack afterward.
the copy reads: "his excites. her's delights. together they ignite." some kind of binary sex bomb? lots of spontaneous combustion between the sheets may tax our already underserviced and overburdened fire departments, so be careful with this stuff, kids! (lighter fluid is probably cheaper anyway...)on a happier note, pernod-ricard reported a surge in sales last quarter, up 16%. they own absolut, which, if anybody was watching, ran an advert during the grammy show, and in some markets during the superbowl. hard booze hasn't been on tv commercials in decades, but when car dealers and red lobster cut back their ad budgets, something has to fill the airspace and pay the salaries for the skeletons on "gossip girls".
can't afford a night out? so huddle in front of your amish electric heater, get your honey in your snuggie, crack a 6-pack, lube up and get down.
drunk sex may just save our economy, america. count me in.
more octo-momz drama
credit for prescience, please. :)side-by-side pix of krazee octo-pussy and angelina jolie show an eerie likeness made possible only by blade and syringe. the yearbook photo of nadya shows a very different face than the carved and poofed one she now presents to the media's maw. she has sent fawning fan mail to the jet-setting baby hoarder. if there is justice, the state will take all nadya's kids and make angelina and brad take them. no passports required because i doubt they are as photogenic as the hand-selected benetton brood of the jolie-pitt's, but at least the kids will get 3 hots and a cot.
several years ago, she received a pay-out disability check of $160,000 after she was injured on the job -- during a riot in a mental hospital. yes.
she has used that money for her plastic surgery and ivf treatments. unemployed and with no spousal support, she receives food stamps and state aid for three of the six children she already had, who are each handicapped. she has no health insurance and the hospital that held her and still has all the infants is asking the state for over $1 million in reimbursement for this circus. california is $42 billion in the red. how soon before villagers with pitchforks and torches hunt down mother of the year and bury her flayed body in a shallow grave? suburban coyotes smell the air and are licking their chops, hungry for the rare and delicious baby-fat.
her flaks issued a statement that some church gave her a house. church spokesman replied she has never been seen at service, and has denied any knowledge of her or of giving her anything. never mind a house, not even a card. although they are very happy she didn't have an abortion. ahem. of course.
nadya plans on returning to school in the fall to get a degree in counseling. (physician heal thyself...) she will use her student loan money to support the brood. um, isn't that dough, like, for books? not pallets of enfamil? will she put all the babies in a wheelbarrow and bring them to class? who the hell will be watching all her kids?
the doctor supposedly responsible for abetting this side-show is now under investigation for implanting 7 embryos in a 49-year-old woman who is now pregnant with quadruplets. this one already has 3 adult children but wants to share new pitter-patted joy with her new much younger husband. uh, isn't 49 a bit outside the fertility window for one, never mind FOUR?
thankfully, octo-pussy now claims she is done having babies.
not to be outshone, tabloids from across the pond today published a story about a 15-year-old girl and her THIRTEEN-year-old boyfriend who just had a baby. the boy's voice has yet to drop and he is 4-feet tall. he looks like he is 8-years old, i swear. he does not get an allowance and has no idea what nappies cost but swears he will be a good father. his father has popped off 9 kids with various womenz. both kids live in council housing. an english minister is "so so very happy the children did not choose abortion". ahem. of course. and let's thrill to their decision to try to keep this baby and add to the dole that the teen mom's six siblings and single mother are on already. future's so bright ya gotta wear shades, right?
we now conclude today's trainwreck reviews. carry on.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
baby hoarders
i blame angelina jolie.
this mother of a recent litter of octuplets is proving more of a freak-show each day. we now know who she is, that she and her tsunami of a womb bankrupted her parents and that her entire brood, all 14, including a set of twins, were conceived via in-vitro. she had a single donor years ago and ziplocked a bunch of frozen eggs.
no job, no husband, no baby-daddy, no visible means of support, other than her freaked-out parents, yet some doctor(s?) kept popping her up with fertilized eggs. "please, sir? may i have some more?" she always wanted "lots of kids", according to her mom, but was diagnosed infertile at a young age. stuffed up tubes or something. if there is really a hand of god at work, he was at least trying there, don't ya think?
GAAAHHH!!!!
she has hired TWO publicists and is fishing for a $2 million payday from oprah, sawyer or some such flak. "she just wants to make sure her babies have a secure future." actual quote. are you fucking kidding me? how far does $2 million go, split 17 ways, after the pampers and the enfamil stop coming for free? who will pay for the massive bill incurred by this freakish feat of science? who will pay for the special medical needs of these premature infants as they grow into delicate toddlers and teens? who will pay for the years of therapy these kids will need because their mother is a fertility froot loop?
the last mother who birthed octuplets called it a "blessing from god". if a doctor, a needle and a deep freezer are involved? uh, god is not between your legs.
with in vitro, the common practice -- and the ethical medical guideline -- is to "selectively reduce" the number of fetuses. so if more than 2 of the eggs "catch", the mother is advised to kill off the others. abort. nobody dares call it that, but the preferred euphemism really pisses me off. yeah, she could just as easily be killing off an albert einstein or a jeffrey dahmer, but who knows because the *pfft, baby, baby* is random. a doctor cannot force a patient into this option, but most women, having gotten this far and spent that much, make the mercenary decision to cull the embryonic herd. like most women, i have a conflicted view of abortion. a teen-aged girl, suffering the consequence of a broken condom must do the walk of shame into a clinic, past mary's on the half-shell and screaming haters, if she can even get to one anymore (thanks, george w.); but a well-off woman will be nestled in the quiet cocoon of a posh office having a "necessary procedure." "cup of early grey, mrs. so-and-so?"
frankly, i'm also not very sympathetic to middle-aged women who spend tens of thousands to force their wombs into submission. they either waited too long and misjudged their bodies' clocks or their husbands' swimmers are bent or laggardly, or what have you. i appreciate the egotism of wanting your own mini-me (look! i made that!), but i'm also a keen believer in the natural order of life. again, hand of god...
eight is not enough, nor is apparently 17, because there is a show on cable now called "18 and counting." a website, a tv show, a blog, a book, ad nauseum, all about this conservative religious couple in arkansas that just keeps pumpin' out babies. they each were under 20 when they married. he has run for public office, apparently his only platform being that he is anti-choice. other than everybody having bad hair-dos, they seem like good parents. they are financially secure, work in their own business and none of their neighbors are talking smack about them. strange enough in this day of joe the plumber getting air-time, but everybody says the kids are nice and well-behaved.
transportation is provided by nine vehicles, including a 21-passenger bus. (which really only means they own 9 cars.) although where the hell they all go together, besides mega-church on sunday, is a complete mystery to me.
the kids are home-schooled, according to a christian program. i suppose if they were sucking up tax dollars for books and pencils and special ed classes, more folks might be squawking dirt. (am i wrong in recalling that home-schooled families get a tax rebate?) the family belongs to an evangelical christian movement called quiverful, which much like "taken in hand," teaches that the women are submissive to the men and the kids submit to both parents. like the exiled lds polygamists, the girls wear long dresses and modified mullets. quiverful holds that children are a blessing from god and that husbands and wives should gladly accept all the children they are given.
"we are just so grateful to god for another gift from him," said jim bob duggar, the dad upon birth of number 18. (couldn't he just have the one first name? jeebus, lol.)
neither the california nutcase nor this southern couple are being *given* babies. no stork is dropping them off on his busy global rounds, nobody's leaving them under cabbage leaves. i can't begin to fathom that doctors continue to enable the former (again, ego -- look what i made!!), and the duggars just won't "waste" the seed. hell, even the pope is ok with pulling out.
the duggars continue to conceive naturally, and the mother remains healthy.
ms. california is another story. is the ama on this yet?
they may seem two ends of the spectrum but both ends are whoring themselves and their KIDS out for dough. for fame. maybe to recruit more quivers.
if you can't be meryl streep or robert altman or yo-yo ma; or tom brady or giselle; or stephen hawking or stevie ray vaughan; if you aren't pete doherty, lindsey lohan, paris hilton or even amy winehouse, i guess fertility is the new option for your 15 minutes.
yuk.
this mother of a recent litter of octuplets is proving more of a freak-show each day. we now know who she is, that she and her tsunami of a womb bankrupted her parents and that her entire brood, all 14, including a set of twins, were conceived via in-vitro. she had a single donor years ago and ziplocked a bunch of frozen eggs.
no job, no husband, no baby-daddy, no visible means of support, other than her freaked-out parents, yet some doctor(s?) kept popping her up with fertilized eggs. "please, sir? may i have some more?" she always wanted "lots of kids", according to her mom, but was diagnosed infertile at a young age. stuffed up tubes or something. if there is really a hand of god at work, he was at least trying there, don't ya think?
GAAAHHH!!!!
she has hired TWO publicists and is fishing for a $2 million payday from oprah, sawyer or some such flak. "she just wants to make sure her babies have a secure future." actual quote. are you fucking kidding me? how far does $2 million go, split 17 ways, after the pampers and the enfamil stop coming for free? who will pay for the massive bill incurred by this freakish feat of science? who will pay for the special medical needs of these premature infants as they grow into delicate toddlers and teens? who will pay for the years of therapy these kids will need because their mother is a fertility froot loop?
the last mother who birthed octuplets called it a "blessing from god". if a doctor, a needle and a deep freezer are involved? uh, god is not between your legs.
with in vitro, the common practice -- and the ethical medical guideline -- is to "selectively reduce" the number of fetuses. so if more than 2 of the eggs "catch", the mother is advised to kill off the others. abort. nobody dares call it that, but the preferred euphemism really pisses me off. yeah, she could just as easily be killing off an albert einstein or a jeffrey dahmer, but who knows because the *pfft, baby, baby* is random. a doctor cannot force a patient into this option, but most women, having gotten this far and spent that much, make the mercenary decision to cull the embryonic herd. like most women, i have a conflicted view of abortion. a teen-aged girl, suffering the consequence of a broken condom must do the walk of shame into a clinic, past mary's on the half-shell and screaming haters, if she can even get to one anymore (thanks, george w.); but a well-off woman will be nestled in the quiet cocoon of a posh office having a "necessary procedure." "cup of early grey, mrs. so-and-so?"
frankly, i'm also not very sympathetic to middle-aged women who spend tens of thousands to force their wombs into submission. they either waited too long and misjudged their bodies' clocks or their husbands' swimmers are bent or laggardly, or what have you. i appreciate the egotism of wanting your own mini-me (look! i made that!), but i'm also a keen believer in the natural order of life. again, hand of god...
eight is not enough, nor is apparently 17, because there is a show on cable now called "18 and counting." a website, a tv show, a blog, a book, ad nauseum, all about this conservative religious couple in arkansas that just keeps pumpin' out babies. they each were under 20 when they married. he has run for public office, apparently his only platform being that he is anti-choice. other than everybody having bad hair-dos, they seem like good parents. they are financially secure, work in their own business and none of their neighbors are talking smack about them. strange enough in this day of joe the plumber getting air-time, but everybody says the kids are nice and well-behaved.transportation is provided by nine vehicles, including a 21-passenger bus. (which really only means they own 9 cars.) although where the hell they all go together, besides mega-church on sunday, is a complete mystery to me.
the kids are home-schooled, according to a christian program. i suppose if they were sucking up tax dollars for books and pencils and special ed classes, more folks might be squawking dirt. (am i wrong in recalling that home-schooled families get a tax rebate?) the family belongs to an evangelical christian movement called quiverful, which much like "taken in hand," teaches that the women are submissive to the men and the kids submit to both parents. like the exiled lds polygamists, the girls wear long dresses and modified mullets. quiverful holds that children are a blessing from god and that husbands and wives should gladly accept all the children they are given.
"we are just so grateful to god for another gift from him," said jim bob duggar, the dad upon birth of number 18. (couldn't he just have the one first name? jeebus, lol.)
neither the california nutcase nor this southern couple are being *given* babies. no stork is dropping them off on his busy global rounds, nobody's leaving them under cabbage leaves. i can't begin to fathom that doctors continue to enable the former (again, ego -- look what i made!!), and the duggars just won't "waste" the seed. hell, even the pope is ok with pulling out.
the duggars continue to conceive naturally, and the mother remains healthy.
ms. california is another story. is the ama on this yet?
they may seem two ends of the spectrum but both ends are whoring themselves and their KIDS out for dough. for fame. maybe to recruit more quivers.
if you can't be meryl streep or robert altman or yo-yo ma; or tom brady or giselle; or stephen hawking or stevie ray vaughan; if you aren't pete doherty, lindsey lohan, paris hilton or even amy winehouse, i guess fertility is the new option for your 15 minutes.
yuk.
Monday, February 02, 2009
pre-conceived notions
this is not my first recession nor downturn. there were mini quakes in the late 80s and the dot-com bust hit our fair city pretty hard. i gotta admit, i don't miss the hubris of those fidelity guys. (more fucking ARAUJO!!! followed by "i can't imagine making any more money." yeah. actual quote. where is he now? selling his used shirts?)
but this?
waiters do not get "laid off". business drives the schedule, so if there isn't much, and you're low man on totem pole, you're out of luck. BUT, you still "have a job", ya know? it's about volume.
today, my day off, i got a string of beseeching e-mails: "laid off." "let go." "no room on the schedule." etc. good, solid people i would love to clone. my own employer has us all in a panic with the savage paring of the payroll, and we don't have a helluva lot going on the next few months. so little the few of us remaining are full of gallows humor as to whom might be next. we all know it's "me". (the generic me, not me myself, lol) whaddya do? the best you can is it.
any mis-step might be the last.
never.
nothing.
nothing like it.
scariest times evah.
i'm glad i don't have kids right now.
but this?
waiters do not get "laid off". business drives the schedule, so if there isn't much, and you're low man on totem pole, you're out of luck. BUT, you still "have a job", ya know? it's about volume.
today, my day off, i got a string of beseeching e-mails: "laid off." "let go." "no room on the schedule." etc. good, solid people i would love to clone. my own employer has us all in a panic with the savage paring of the payroll, and we don't have a helluva lot going on the next few months. so little the few of us remaining are full of gallows humor as to whom might be next. we all know it's "me". (the generic me, not me myself, lol) whaddya do? the best you can is it.
any mis-step might be the last.
never.
nothing.
nothing like it.
scariest times evah.
i'm glad i don't have kids right now.
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