phew

for a few weeks i thought perhaps there'd been a shift in the cosmos. that my perceptions and foundations had been altered, but i hadn't been notified by the proper authorities. did i need to recalibrate my inner sextant? mais non!! ne t'inquiète pas !! it remains a cruel bit of black relief to *know* that when you see a light at the end of the tunnel, it's not peaceful angelic redemption, but the headlights of an 18-wheeler raging downhill with faulty brakes. i thought i'd been tossed a financial life raft; turns out, that puffy bit of comfort was stuffed full of used dailies. took a few days heading upriver for the old pulp to get soaked through, but, boy, i'm going down fast.

however, on the emotional side of things... (betting windows now closed on whether it's more often heads or tails -- and which is which) no doubt perverse to you, but comforting to me, i still take some solace that not everything should be taken at first glance. particularly when the eyes are too swollen and flooded to see past the heart.