almost there

"what are you going to do with this?"
"you can have it."
"seriously, you should keep this."
"i don't want it. you can have it."
"but this is valuable!"
"i don't want it."

that back-and-forth repeated several times, over different objects, of varied values, til finally she realized i was serious. i'd only come for a few things, and wanted none of the rest. it all had been left behind nearly a year ago, and i'd only grown more disinterested. just "stuff"; no use nor space for it. divest. simplify. the van wound up full of far more boxes and bags for her than for me. (why the van smelled like the circus is a question likely to remain unanswered... lol.)

when we were finishing up, she remarked on my equanimity in the face of all this. i successfully fooled another into thinking i'm fine. composure is far more exhausting than it appears, but my mother would be proud of the sheer will i managed to find.

i'll boil the dust out and try to sleep. my shark awaits in the morning.