my favorite beauty pageant not-winner, and stalwart public defender of opposite-marriage, carrie prejean, was pressing hard on her crown-stealers for a settlement. like over a million bucks hard. but whoops! miss not-california walked out of the talks red-faced and empty-handed when lawyers showed her a graphic sex tape.
of herself. doing herself. did the wind accidentally turn on the video camera while she was indulging in a wank-fest?
edited to add, she has been dropped from an appearance at a "defending the family" conference this weekend.
raymond jessop, formerly a resident of the yearning for zion ranch, in eldorado texas, was convicted yesterday for sexually assaulting a child. this is one of the guys rounded up after authorities raided the compound belonging to the fundamentalist church of jesus christ of latter day saints and over 400 kids in prairie dresses and braids were taken into protective custody. his victim was 15 at the time and had originally been "assigned" to jessop's brother, but i guess they traded. she eventually got pregnant by him. he had 9 other "spiritual wives," as permitted by the rules of this break-away bunch of mormons. over a dozen other guys are cooling their heels in the pokey awaiting trial on similar charges and jessop isn't finished with his court stuff either, but is now behind bars. i am especially fond of this story because a) regular mormons are whackos, so this nutsiness ups that krazee exponentially b)the guy looks like a ventriloquist dummy in a profoundly creepy way and c) any guy who thinks it's a good idea to have a harem, of teenagers no less, to manage is out of his mind. we'll add a d) to the list because i was floored to discover the age of consent in texas is 17!
lastly, our cute dumb friend levi johnston. our hockey-playing thrilla from wasilla who knocked up palin's daughter bristol. the pit bull pushed him under the kliegs in a suit and holding hands with her pregnant teenager and glossed them over as kids doin' the right thing, cuz they had an oops, but would get married and everything would be great and happy-ever-after, cuz that's what happens to real amurricanz who don't do the chastity thing you, as a mom, just knew they would always do when you let your daughter's boyfriend sleep over in her room. then when the vp office didn't get her name on it, levi was out in the alaskan cold, don't let the igloo door hit you in the ass, and don't try to see your kid. go back and live with you meth-head sister and oxycontin dealing aunt. but levi had gotten a taste of the limelight, ya know? perhaps not as dumb as others thought, cuz he's been stretching his 15 minutes now for over a year. vanity fair profile, red carpet walks with kathy griffin, chats with oprah and larry king -- usual d-list crap. today? he arrives in nyc to shoot a spread for playgirl! this is brilliant in so many ways i can't stand it. he'll be traveling with his posse, tank jones and rex butler. was hiring handlers with porno-sounding names prescient or a delightful serendipity? even the photographer running the shoot is named weiner! the ny post is speculating about the size of his wang (natch) and net geeks are back and forth whether it'll be hard or soft. who even knew playgirl was still published? but we all know only homos buy it, if anyone still does. the money shot is that his issue will be on the stands right before sarah's book. which yes, is actually called "goin' rogue." (ok, the editors didn't drop the g. that's all me.) this book should not be confused with the meanie version, called "going rouge".
once again, i face the fact that i am not a real amurrican, and that thanks to obama, they are perilously endangered
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