pigs and panic

only a few days in and i am already sick of it.

yes, flu is bad. yes, it can kill you -- if you're very old or very young or your immune system isn't up to snuff, which certainly is the case for oldsters and babies. 30,000 americans die EVERY YEAR from whatever flu happens to be floating around. unfortunately, much like the black plague and the flu pandemic of 1918, it's early in the season and not nearly as warm as it will eventually get, so the virus buggers have plenty of time to incubate and spread. however, at this point, the "outbreak" is being reported on a case-by-case basis, so it's spreading at a myopic snail's pace and less than .00001% of the population has been affected.

but, please, everybody BE VERY AFRAID!! and if cnn tells everybody to be afraid, hopefully more people will watch cnn, because they must know RIGHT NOW where somebody else may or may not have swine flu. and then will see ads for stuff like purell and be more afraid and buy gallons of purell to wipe down the door handle of the emergency room where they must get tested RIGHT NOW for swine flu because they feel tired. bad news there, because the doc has to send your spit off-site, then wait a few days to find out that you have seasonal allergies. but don't go outside. if you must, stay 6 feet away from everybody. which must be damn hard in mexico city, one of the world's most populous cities. sunday everybody stayed home, nobody went to watch soccer and pizza delivery joints ran out of pies because everybody was too scared to go out to eat. (poor guy who had that day's shift -- wonder how he feels today? sniffles or anything?) but the ninos are happy because school is closed! yeah!! (i think yippee is still yippee in spanish.)

yes, you twittering idiot, you can still eat bacon. yes, the influenza virus can live for short periods of time outside its host. (that's a question for fucking google, you moron, not rick sanchez.)

at the white house press briefing yesterday, a reporter actually asked, "when did you know about this?" like it was some mad watergate conspiracy that must be deep-throated into daylight.

another asked if obama was safe, basically because he touched lots of dirty mexicans last week.

makers of paper masks must be thigh-slapping and high-fiving like crazy this week. i mean, really? paper masks? are they made of magic paper? all too often i have seen people (often asians -- omg!! wonder if they had bird flu!) wearing those masks around here. i just assumed that they were on the defense and afraid of catching something, not helping the greater good and avoiding spreading something.

texas governor rick "let's secede from this socialist nation before it's too late!" perry has requested 37,000-plus units of tamiflu from the cdc to be sprinkled around his great state, just in case. suddenly he and the 57% of lone star republicans who agreed with him about giving the feds the boot look oh-so-pretty in pink, don'tcha think?

last time we had a swine flu sky-is-falling craze, the government spent over $130 million to develop a vaccine. which promptly killed waaaaaay more people than the flu. then the flu went away after about 6 months. like every other flu after the 1918 nightmare.

things i learned from my amazing google-fu today:

the 1918 crisis, which was REALLY bad, is often called the spanish flu, but actually originated here, in the u.s. soldiers from the rural south had it and brought it to europe with them. all influenza "a" viruses since then are genetic descendants from the one that caused that outbreak. so every time a 90-year-old lady dies from the flu, a wwI vet gets his wings.

and--

donald rumsfeld is a major stockholder in the company that owns tamiflu.

thing i remembered from a long time ago: when we took a school field trip to turtleback zoo i adamantly refused to be involved in the petting zoo. even then i knew not to touch pigs. yuk.

question: if a muslim or observant jew contracts swine flu, will he or she become an atheist?

here is a direct paste from the cdc website on how to avoid infection:

• Wash your hands regularly with soap and water, especially after coughing or sneezing.
• Or use an alcohol-based hand cleaner.
• Avoid close contact with sick people.
• Avoid touching your mouth, nose, or eyes.
  

rocket science, eh?

how many people died from sars? or avian flu? until the bodies are stacked up like lincoln logs and zombies are roaming the streets in search of kleenex, i don't care.