Going from the Exchange Floor to the Prison Yard?
the owner of this company has revealed to the media that several members of the very anxious madoff family have contacted him to take his crash course for white collar criminals about to enter a world of hurt. although he was sufficiently discreet to not name names, most bets are placed on niece shana, who was the company's compliance officer. (laughing so hard -- tough to type that one.)most of the company's documents have her hancock on them, she is married to a former sec compliance officer, but gee, right before the house of cards collapsed she was honored by the girl scouts as a woman of the year. she can't be all bad, right? but i should think a few calls to martha stewart might be more helpful to shana. can you get enough newspaper strips in jail to make a comfy sit-upon?
a male madoff has also inquired -- perhaps the brother.
"i give people a wakeup call," said mr. levine, who is still on federal supervised release after serving 10 years behind bars for counterfeiting securities. his course costs $850. seems like a bargain when your social skill set is more four seasons than hangin' with busted homies.
below i've pasted some of my favorites from his website (italics mine):
meanwhile, a pair of madoff's mets tickets for yesterday's home opener at citi field fetched $7,500 in an online auction that ended with all the drama of a walk-off home run. two bidders wound up locked in battle on e-bay and drove the final price to twice the pre-sale estimate.
please see my earlier post on "the rich will always be rich".
a male madoff has also inquired -- perhaps the brother.
"i give people a wakeup call," said mr. levine, who is still on federal supervised release after serving 10 years behind bars for counterfeiting securities. his course costs $850. seems like a bargain when your social skill set is more four seasons than hangin' with busted homies.
below i've pasted some of my favorites from his website (italics mine):
- Getting Extra Time Off Sentences:(prison is crowded, you're not violent. odds are good.)
- The Drug Program (toilet tank gin is probably ok)
- Prevent Being RAPED (krazy glue your anus shut?)
- Prison Living Conditions (waaaaaaaaay worse than it looks on tv)
- The Daily Prison Grind (pointless monotony is kinda the point)
- Your 1st Day What To Bring With (leave your gucci slippers home)
- Inmate Personal Property (kiss it goodbye after your first beatdown)
- Inmate Etiquette & Politics (defer to all bad asses -- especially you mr. jew)
- Dealing With Other Inmates (they will not want to watch glenn beck -- don't ask)
- Avoiding and Spotting Informants (if you're not doing anything stoopid...)
- Dealing With Gang Members (skip the "yo mama" jokes)
- Defusing A Confrontation (squash courts no longer an option)
- Prison Slang & Lingo (you will never pull this off. see #3 above)
- Getting A Soft Shoe Permit (they still have minstrel shows?)
- Religious Services (it will get you out of your cell, just pretend you believe)
- Food Service-The Dining Hall (it's all spoon food and no egg white omelettes)
- Microwave Cooking Techniques (even really rich guys can use one of these. c'mon)
- The Commissary Inmate Store (buy LOTS of cigarettes to help with many issues above)
- Why Staff Lie & Dislike Inmates (lmfao)
- Inmate Civil Rights (stop thinking you have them anymore)
- How To Survive A Prison Riot (hide)
- Compassionate Release (fake cancer?)
- Calculating Release Dates(loads of time to carve hash marks into your own arm)
meanwhile, a pair of madoff's mets tickets for yesterday's home opener at citi field fetched $7,500 in an online auction that ended with all the drama of a walk-off home run. two bidders wound up locked in battle on e-bay and drove the final price to twice the pre-sale estimate.
please see my earlier post on "the rich will always be rich".
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