what, me worry?

i was hired under the premise that my job was a certain percentage of this and a certain bit of that -- allowing for the unpredictable nature of a day and night in a restaurant. time went on, and the reality of their blunderous hiring of an immature and incompetent child to complete our team became painfully clear. no matter how we tried, he was neither growing nor learning, instead just blindly and obstinately stumbling from one idiotic episode to the next. all the while responding with such a tone of condescension, i wanted to backhand him nearly everyday.

to compensate, they insisted i compress the aspects of my job i actually enjoyed, and stifle the expertise for which i was hired. i became a nanny and a cleaner, of the staff and of his messes. i also became the mouthpiece of the gm because, "you always say it better than i can." further, she was of the philosophy that "if you catch it, you own it." if i happened to take a call for something that really was in her job description, i was obliged to see it through, no matter how many days or weeks that took. this scatter-shot approach meant there could be no prioritizing, nor delegating, so there never was enough time in the day, no matter how extra early i arrived, or how late i stayed.

combine this frazzle of disorganization with my distrust and lack of respect for the owners, top it with my paltry income, and it was a sorry state indeed. at night, i would go to sleep thinking, "i can't wait to come home tomorrow." i also had no partner in crime. not once did i ever join anybody for a drink after work, or attend a holiday party.

but i've only got so much band-width. i could not find the rcg's or the take-the-world-by-the-horns-power-pumps. i'd hoped to get through this financial and legal tangle, and then blizzard the world with resumes. the thorny knot remains (he swears it's drawing to a close, although expeditious means something entirely else to bankers and lawyers than it does to me), but i'm already feeling a spiritual exhale.the hilarious irony is that my unemployment will be nearly as much as my most recent take-home. no longer burdened by late-night taxi fares, i think i'm actually a few dollars ahead! suddenly i've gotten an extra 65 hours a week to plot my future.

it's too soon to know if i'm not worried because i've gone completely round the bend. if bill gates or lee harvey oswald start conversing through my fillings, i'll reconsider. right now, i think i'll do some reading.