pursuit of happiness

"certain unalienable rights... life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." that last bit brings no end of trouble to the american psyche. parsed out, it doesn't offer entitlement to happiness, nobody owes it to you, and further, you can chase it all day, but you may not get it.

what makes people happy? should be simple, eh? family, friends, a place to live, a boss you don't hate, and a decent living so as not to end up in a maytag box under the el.

last year quite alot of decisions were made and choices encouraged to make my life "better". simpler. increase my net worth, upgrade my marketability, improve my access to a certain someone. it all looked so shiny! the job turned out to be wretched with measly wages; my turn as a real estate mogul bit the dust, the properties still yawing for money; my heart was soundly trounced -- access denied.

and yet...

as hard as it has been, (ack, still is...) as ugly are the warty spots that i now see, i don't feel "unhappy". uncertainty remains, but having not thrown down my gloves, i'm upright to fight for that which i can. some things are now out of my arena. painfully, the thing that mattered most is done. elvis indeed has left the building. (happily, the mental visual is good, because it was the sexy leather elvis, not the white jumpsuited puffy one.) but i no longer cry every day. eggs, beans and spaghetti taste just fine, cuz i'm not toiling away in a toxic waste dump of wage slavery. family, friends (even some i've never met) and colleagues all have reached out in some surprisingly touching ways. and i now have time to spend with them!

the gurus all preach happiness is a choice. they're right. i get up every morning, make the bed, and put on the game face. it's a start. bits of happy are ok too.