this, not that

last summer at this time i was making myself nutz exercising, starving but not losing any weight. i was frustrated, upset, depressed, humiliated. i felt awful physically and mentally. the owner was berating me weekly about what i was doing wrong and what i wasn't doing right, and that's why i wasn't losing.

fruit was coming into season locally and i started about everyday with a nice big heap of berries in a bowl of fresh no-fat yogurt. healthy, right? diet food, right? each friday i went to haymarket and stocked up on cartons and cartons of berries, grapes, kiwis, pineapples and what-not.

scroll forward to late summer, when i began to learn and accept that it's not just how much you eat, but what you eat. more importantly that the "what" i'd been advised to eat all my life was wrong, and that it was making me fat and unhealthy. the pounds and inches have fallen away, i look and feel better than i have in ages.

yesterday i went shopping, both for myself and an impromptu dinner. faced once again with dirt-cheap berries, shiny red cherries and luscious figs, i fought myself about it all. i decided to follow my nose to the golden raspberries, bought some reds too, but only enough of them for that night's dinner. they go bad so quickly, i knew i would rationalize eating too many too soon.

there is broccoli, cauliflower and bright red peppers waiting for me back home. i know i made the good choice, and am happy i allowed myself the treat last night.

it will be more of a gauntlet down there later in the summer when both native corn and local blueberries are both in season! (noodle shakes fist at sky!! damn you, new england summer!)