crutch much?

6 days into being sober, i got to work and a handful of my co-workers were deadly hung-over.

one had failed a difficult certification test the day prior. one he thought he'd ace. beers, manattans, wine AND gimlets made him forget the pain for the night and knocked him out cold.

another had been stood-up by a blind date. i'm guessing of the match.com variety, but she looked too wobbly and still too sad to ask. she had pouted in her apartment, then felt like not being alone, so headed down to her local and did some serious damage.

yet another had been on a 3-day bender from valentine's day. her last relationship ended last year on v-day, so she and some other angry single girly-friends all went on a tear. her face was puffy and hair dirty.

the hostess also looked out-of-sorts, but that's her coke habit more than the booze.

since we dispense and are surrounded by liquor, i suppose it's easier to be open about what we did the night before. it's a running joke that booze is a balm.

it's no secret that the restaurant industry attracts unstable sorts and addictive/self-destructive behaviors seem to be the norm. is it different, really, elsewhere? we have brokers, lawyers and bankers in there tossing back every night. some guys are monday-friday martini regulars. lord only knows what their wives think they are actually doing. still slogging away in the office, i presume.

on the phone with an old friend yesterday, she told me of a recent party she and her husband attended. one husband out of work 18 months, another cut down to 1/4 time. others warily holding their collective breath with lay-offs still in the cards. more than one wife broke into beer-tears. said friend was happy to not be one of them and was again thankful her husband is thriving in his new position and their mortgage whittled way down.

i admit to using the liquor as anesthesia. it ceased to become a simple social lubricant awhile ago. why else am i having drinks at 1:00 in the morning when i get home from work? will i ever be that person who can shut her own self off? will i ever stop being so afraid?

today is only day 8, so i don't know the answers. but i am last asking the questions.