giving thanks

yeah, i know, it's a day late... i'm not on salary OR deadline here, k?
"thanksgiving" 1623, mather the elder (pater familias for generations of new england's most powerful men) gave special thanks to god for the devastating smallpox plague which had wiped out a mess of wampanoags. he praised god for destroying "chiefly young men and children, the very seeds of increase, thus clearing the forests to make way for a better growth", i.e., the pilgrims.

irresistible aside: one mather, born 16 years later and named *increase*, stated the reason for his first name was "...the never-to-be-forgotten increase, of every sort, wherewith god favoured the country about the time of his nativity." good on the whities to go forth and multiply --increase had 10 kids -- but let's not allow the natives anymore of that, even though we're appropriating their fall ritual and they brought most of the grub. yo, yo, plymouth bay bronx cheer, squanto!

context.

i haven't had turkey at home since college. phooey on the dog and pony show. i always plead work -- most years i do -- and at last it no longer matters. i even volunteer now. hell, i know some folks like their families, and GASP! their families like them!! whatevah. happily, we were closed and my day was in the anti-rockwell style i'm starting to make as my own tradition.

met a dear friend at a swanky hotel bar. have i mentioned how much i love them? the pretty-cute-doorman catches my eye sincerely while bringing me in and saying hello, the soaring atrium, the expensive leather chairs and the crystal flutes, the gorgeous transiency of the guests, what's not to love? joint was formerly a jail and the granite walls, iron bars and much tonnage of beams remain. eleventy bajillion bucks later, the place is drop-dead. friend treated to one of my favorite rose champagnes which was gobs of strawberries and biscuits. sunny walk over the salt and pepper bridge. again, a place i cherish, and even moreso on a brisk fall day. met more friends for a movie, "margot at the wedding". jennifer jason leigh and nicole kidman were fearless. hateful, horrible, crazy. hilarious. not everybody got it quite so much, though, lol.

my heart racing all through, then speeding up even more, cuz it must be nearly ending. it's a 90-minute run-time. what will happen? will anything? i can't just jump up and check my phone. rude! manners, miss. gah. yeah, ok, i checked my voice-mail in the bathroom stall. where my head rocketed right off my neck and i went stoopid happy. and scared. but i didn't throw up. at least i left the john to call back. :)

made the connect. explained to friend-wife (lol, i knew her when she swore she'd never marry. back then, she was older than i am now.) as succinctly as i could: ya know that guy? well, he's back and he's getting divorced and today will be the first time i've seen him in over a year. so it's gonna be quick. she's smart enough not to ask.

entering the lobby, they all wondered if he... he already was. a year's worth of sadness fell off me. his hands took my shoulders so gently and his chin touched my head. it was right. he looked handsome. he looked tired. i love him in that rugby shirt. i could barely look at him for fear i'd crack open.

chit-chat-banter. chance encounter with a nice-not-crazy-chef we all know. it's thanksgiving and her son's b-day. why the hell is she moving furniture and working? lol. good energy all around. pictures taken, jabs and jokes shared. good stuff.

i... do... not... have... the ... slightest... idea... what... to... do!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAAAH. we have to go.

we went.

within minutes, i was home. rituals can be more powerful than we secular moderns like to believe. no words. actions. i haven't felt that right and secure in ages.

women cry when we are sad, AND when we are happy. i try to be mindful to alert about the latter, lol.

much like the pox fall-out, another's loss is my gain. i'm still wrapping my head around that. catholic guilt? really? c'mon. goddammit.

however, i am profoundly thankful. :)