bullies and helicopters

a little girl in missouri killed herself a few weeks back, after an on-line romance turned sour. a *dreamy* boy she'd never met in meat-life suddenly became a bully. she logged off and hung herself in her closet. turns out the boy was a 47-year old neighbor -- mother of a girl spurned by the now dead one. when the bereaved parents learned this twist they took sledgehammer and axe to a fooseball table they'd been storing for the apparently crazy neighbor lady.

there are so many levels of what the fuck on this i don't know where to go.

bullies have been around since man clanned up. "i'm not your friend anymore" has been a girl's platonic cleaver since shortly after the clan got verbal, i'm guessing.

when did parents become so loony? we all remember the cheerleader's mom -- which to me seemed a peculiarly texan/southern cultural phenom. there would have been no plot over a chess club snub, but don't dare get in the way of becky sue on the homecoming float.

a friend who works as a professor has many tales of frantic parents bullying him about progenies' grades. several mothers of my staff call and drop in on a regular basis. mind you, these girls are in their mid-20s. their moms have also called in late or sick for them.

my friends who stay-at-home complain about the pace of their week, shuttling kids to and fro gymnastics, peewee football, dance, riding, soccer, french lessons, blah blah. a single-income fuels this extracurricular whirlwind, plus the second gas guzzler to get there. these women, smart and quick-witted all, have put aside everything that is themselves. when i got to junior high, my mother was able to stop working. by then it mattered little because i'd been a latchkey kid so long. in first grade, my mother was already at work when it was time for me to get up and out for school. "you have to do this on your own, ok, little noodle?" so i did and always made my bed too, lol.

never has one of my friends said "go play," when we are on the phone or i have been visiting. the kids are right THERE, with their usual barrage of kid stuff. the mom is used to it, but ya know what? i'm trying to visit *you*. there should be a line between grown-up time and kid-time. when did that get erased? i read somewhere that it's a very recent development in western culture that parents play with their children -- on the floor with barbie or battleship. that "seen and not heard" bit didn't just mean at the dinner table. whenever i wailed, "mom, i'm booooored," i usually got, "you have to make your own fun." i had no lack of affluent amenities, ya know? it was also a bigger message for the future.

my dna line is done, but i'm sympathetic to wanting the best for your kids. really. to have them excel and prosper. what i do have serious trouble with is all these folks who now seek personal validation through their small fry. they run to kiss the boo-boo, yet miss the really big cut. how did that missouri mom not see that her daughter was so tragically invested in a boy she'd never met? her kid was on meds, ffs. the boot kick that he was a hoax is nearly besides the point. how did that other mom think her on-line hijinks were acceptable? kids change alliances all the time. how will they learn inter-personal dynamics? tit-for-tat on their behalf? good grief, get a life. your own, i mean.

blackhawk, down.