Friday, May 11, 2007

one down

the meeting this morning was easy. he knew he wanted me. i knew i had to take it. he only lowballed a little, so maybe i'm at last getting better at that.

traipsing home in the downpour i felt like i'd just completed walking the length of the commonwealth. on one leg. i feel relieved, but weirdly too exhausted to be happy. the connectivity of everyone and everything that holds my future has been crushing me to a husk. one missed stroke and everything went kaplooey. i never learned the physics of bowling. how to knock down just the one pin. or how to knock 'em all down when that's your aim. plus i hate the shoes.
first a nap. i can't keep my eyes open. then some phone calls. it will all be fixed, duckpins mostly in a row. perhaps tonight i'll dream of no longer dancing on the edge of the knife.

monday i start again. again.

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