the removal of the detritus from that house, (stuff i'd never wanted anyway -- accruals from so many lifetimes ago -- but my mother insist i take and keep) was so cleansing. the acuity of my shark a joy to watch, and an astonishing relief to be on the protective shoreline, out of his reach. he said, "jump," and they just kept leaping higher and harder.
i grew lighter with each piece tossed into the rubbish truck, with each swirl of my initials on yet another document, till i nearly felt too excited to be confined by gravity and felt i might nearly crack apart with happiness. one forgets how one used to feel, and how easily joy used to come. smiles at strangers and warmth watching little kids stiffly bundled against the cold gamely playing tag despite the clumsiness of goretexed little sausage arms.
at last released from the slim tether that the g.c. had selfishly and duplicitously held all these months (and i in my weakness allowed to remain around my neck); liberated from another toxic chef; freed from the unbearable weight of the albatross; at last able to breathe unconcerned that even my very exhales would be collected to pay something off; lots of flirty e-mails and calls to brighten my days and bring intrigue to my nights all add up to truly a new beginning.
little that is here was with me before. i am not burdened by anyone's misperceptions about whom or what i want. i am elated at the openness and the challenge of whom i will become.
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