crying over spilled milk

the internet is an amazing tool. from fact-checking to community building, it is a marvel -- a speedy little probe, at your service.

geeks get their geek on in various niches, whether it's fantasy sports, music fan pages, french pastry blogs or message boards.

i spend a fair amount of time on a food board, and have often been amazed at how helpful folks can be. i'm also frequently stupefied by how clueless people can be, but that i should be more used to, i guess, lol. someone recently had a bunch of threads about lobster bisque, and how could she get hers to be the same color as it was on the bobby flay mpg file she had downloaded. WHAT? let's begin with why you're watching a chili/bbq guy to learn about bisque. how on earth could you possibly discern the true color of his product via a crap download? and why does that matter, more than the taste? she wanted to add paprika, chopped tomatoes or jarred pimentos to make it redder; do you serve it with the broken shells? can i use cornmeal to thicken it? i don't have sherry, can i use beer? she seemed utterly unconcerned with the flavor, but obsessed with the color. yes, yes, i know we eat with our eyes, but christ, lady.

so, i found myself flummoxed by what should have been a simple dish. pudding. tapioca pudding. the owner wanted it. i've never made it, and don't like that sort of thing. (milk, yuk, texture, yuk, bland, yuk... etc., lol) he has no cookbooks, so i went to the internet. a million ways to make it. now, the basics of pudding, custards and quiches (even ice cream) are all essentially the same. the foundation i get. but the strangeness of the tapioca pearls was what got me. and everybody had a different method.

owner was convinced a crockpot would be a snap. again, a new foray for me, lol. i'm madly distrustful of hands-off cooking. even a long slow oven braise offers aromas as it bubbles away. short version, milk broke and tapioca was still raw after 5 hours. garbage. next stab, tapioca was ruined simply from soaking for a short period.

pudding is a quick dish. a fucking english nursery classic (why do ya think ALL british desserts are called pudding?) that can be stirred together fast with little skill.

so i call on the hounds for help. what do i get? a link to some housewife's page that explains how tapioca is made from manioc ( i know that already, tyvm), how to make bubble tea, and several replies explaining how they make and gussy up minute tapioca. and that their "dh" doesn't know the difference. (another time i will rant on wives who infantilize their husbands through food... gah.)

so, either they suck at reading comprehension, (a huge issue on the net) or just feel like blahblahblahing (another huge issue on the net.) bottom line: zero help.

k.

home now. i go to a classic 1960s "nytimes cookbook", edited by craig claiborne, then "joy of cooking", "fanny farmer". ALL use quick tapioca. lastly, the bible: "larousse". quick-fucking tapioca. modern richard sax? quick tapioca. "old world kitchen"? too old, tapioca hadn't gotten to europe yet. dead end.

c'mon now. either this is one of those sadistic pranks from the owner or i am overlooking something very basic. i need to go back to muffets and tuffets, i guess.

then again, if anybody's mom has a solid recipe for eyeball pudding, please let me know. :)