**judgemental noodle alert!**
under near constant assault from an excess of humanity on the "t", i'm coming out from under with a summertime rant. mercury rises, pavement heats, boots get stowed and out come the sandals and flip-flops, exposing alarming bipedal flotsam and jetsam.
i'm sympathetic to wear and tear -- in my business our barkers get serious beat-ons. more than one chef in my past has swooned on my sofa from a much-needed foot massage. (i wouldn't ever mind one either, but that's a pigs fly thingie, lol) granted, not too many guys think "ooh, i need a pedicure cuz it's june," but hell, cut your toenails and WASH maybe? for all the soccer punishment the owner's feet bear, he's got surprisingly nice toesies, so i'm happy to see them and have them on and about me, but most guys seem to be getting from point a to point b on hooves not fit for satan. (actually, he's likely very vain and has a full-time thai chick doing his feet, but i digress. ahem..) i worked with a guy who shamelessly padded around with inches of crud under his overgrown talons. (for months over his station, he had a pig's tail dripping rancid grease over his head, which was covered by a hat given to him by mark veyrat, but that's too big a swerve even for this post, lol.)
what really got me thinking though was all the french pedicures i'm seeing. it means your toenails are too damn long, ok? are they clacking on the wood floor like a dog's? how do they fit in your shoes? woman next to me today had a very exaggerated version, that included the white tips, a little flower each nail AND polka dots. this might have been cute on a 12-year-old, but not some old crow heading to her cubicle at customer complaints. if some poor nail tech is spending all that time making mini cave paintings, break out the damn pumice. we can see the rest of your foot too, ok lady?
same goes for badly chipped (it takes 2 minutes to take off that stuff) or tacky shades ( i told you). the frosties, (don't even get me going about frosty white!!!) blue, i mean, ew.
admittedly in my too long train ride today, i was kind of obsessing and looking at too many feet. then tonight i was avoiding eye-contact with a very tall skulking freak and looked down to see huge shoes. enormous men's shoes. yes, my mind went there: big feet, big _____________. it was involuntary. i swear. i rolled my eyes a wee bit upward from my floor-gazing, only to see a huge HUGE uh, monster, in his pants. hard. straining. gross. it had to have hurt. i resolved to not look up any further, and mercy for us all, he did not spring the beast. (would not have been the 1st time i'd seen such on the "t", but i was so-so-so glad he suffered for the greater good.)
under near constant assault from an excess of humanity on the "t", i'm coming out from under with a summertime rant. mercury rises, pavement heats, boots get stowed and out come the sandals and flip-flops, exposing alarming bipedal flotsam and jetsam.
i'm sympathetic to wear and tear -- in my business our barkers get serious beat-ons. more than one chef in my past has swooned on my sofa from a much-needed foot massage. (i wouldn't ever mind one either, but that's a pigs fly thingie, lol) granted, not too many guys think "ooh, i need a pedicure cuz it's june," but hell, cut your toenails and WASH maybe? for all the soccer punishment the owner's feet bear, he's got surprisingly nice toesies, so i'm happy to see them and have them on and about me, but most guys seem to be getting from point a to point b on hooves not fit for satan. (actually, he's likely very vain and has a full-time thai chick doing his feet, but i digress. ahem..) i worked with a guy who shamelessly padded around with inches of crud under his overgrown talons. (for months over his station, he had a pig's tail dripping rancid grease over his head, which was covered by a hat given to him by mark veyrat, but that's too big a swerve even for this post, lol.)
what really got me thinking though was all the french pedicures i'm seeing. it means your toenails are too damn long, ok? are they clacking on the wood floor like a dog's? how do they fit in your shoes? woman next to me today had a very exaggerated version, that included the white tips, a little flower each nail AND polka dots. this might have been cute on a 12-year-old, but not some old crow heading to her cubicle at customer complaints. if some poor nail tech is spending all that time making mini cave paintings, break out the damn pumice. we can see the rest of your foot too, ok lady?
same goes for badly chipped (it takes 2 minutes to take off that stuff) or tacky shades ( i told you). the frosties, (don't even get me going about frosty white!!!) blue, i mean, ew.
admittedly in my too long train ride today, i was kind of obsessing and looking at too many feet. then tonight i was avoiding eye-contact with a very tall skulking freak and looked down to see huge shoes. enormous men's shoes. yes, my mind went there: big feet, big _____________. it was involuntary. i swear. i rolled my eyes a wee bit upward from my floor-gazing, only to see a huge HUGE uh, monster, in his pants. hard. straining. gross. it had to have hurt. i resolved to not look up any further, and mercy for us all, he did not spring the beast. (would not have been the 1st time i'd seen such on the "t", but i was so-so-so glad he suffered for the greater good.)
**********
btw, i refrained from posting a picture on this post, cuz they were all just too gross. even for me. ok, i need to go wash my feet and go to bed. :)
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