timely sex

nope, not for me. the owner is away, so i'm left to my own, er, devices for a few days.

story in the times about 2 couples who committed to have sex every night. one agreed on 101 days, and the other 365. kick stereotypes to the curb, because in both cases it was the wife's idea. one couple mid-western holy-rollers, the other recent transplants to boulder who felt out of water (oxygen?) and disconnected. OF COURSE both have written books.

i guess with publishers' advances they felt obligated to see it through, so no chance for "honey, i have a headache," or "i need to wash my hair." cut to the chase and what was the result? they all realized regular sex allowed and nourished an intimacy that rolling over in opposite directions simply did not. to put aside the hassles of the day, to let go of yourself for the person you love -- even if angry-- for just a few minutes, nourished them emotionally in a way they didn't anticipate.

apparently this will be a light dawning on marblehead moment to a huge chunk of the population.

(why doesn't blogger have an eye-rolling icon?)

from the way-way-back, i have used sex instinctively as a double-edged sword. it proved a very useful weapon to avoid emotional availability and potential damage. men relate first with their cocks, so it was easier to just fuck and keep my heart out of the whole thing. i had some very long and incredibly hot relationships with men i didn't love. more than one of them wound up falling in love with me and still turn up out of the blue. amazing what happens when men are accepted as is, rather than becoming some starry-eyed bachelorette's fixer-upper.

the other side is the power of fucking to convey emotions without words. the raw desire, the unfettered primal pushing to an intimacy not attainable in conversation. "i want you *in* me." the conquering, the taking, the invasion. with men i have loved, and to a profound degree with the owner, what happens during the fuck, what we express, is an openness men mostly shun. i realize this must happen only with unfettered fucking, but that's the sort i prefer. those vulnerable moments given over to each other are a wondrous thing. i will never understand why that's the first door to shut for so many women.

there is something incredibly powerful about relaxing and seeing another's perspective. becoming unconcerned with quid pro quo, and reminding one's self that you love and want this other. then? you let yourself show it and live it. it takes courage and it takes a willingness to expose your flank. why do some view it as weakness?

i am woman, i do not want to roar.