over the last months i have engaged in what at times felt like an epic battle to lose some weight -- a struggle met only with my body's fiercest refusal. weighing my food, counting calories, exercising up to 2 hours a day, interval training, insane cardio, weight lifting, intermittent fasting, multi-day fasting, gargantuan amounts of fiber. except for a 48-hour fast in early july, (enacted out of terror for an ultimatum) when i was down 2.7 pounds, the scale hasn't budged south at all. it has, however, spiked up. oh, goody. here -- don't have a cookie.
i tried all sorts of food navigating, particularly on work-out days when i had the appetite of goliath once home from the gym. not in the morning, not before, not after, not after 6:00. only complex carbs. only fruit. only salad with cheese. only protein. only carbs plus protein. nothing helped and i was hungry most of the time.
oh, but muscle weighs more than fat, you say? well, no it doesn't. (who the hell got that math so wrong back whenever?) a pound of chicken weighs the same as a pound of pizza. i did not get smaller in inches either, so phooey.
the well-being obtained through regular exercise? did i *feel* better? not significantly, no, although i am not averse to believing that my lack of pay-off hindered my mind-set.
there is much i am willing to attribute to age and my ever increasingly ornery hormones. nothing i can do about any of that. words fail me to express the feeling of utter despair which results only in disgust. compound that personal disappointment with the owner's well-intentioned and repeated message, "you just don't exercise right/hard enough/often enough" and "why should i have a fat girlfriend?" and yeah, it just was never a good day at the noodle farm.
3 weekends ago, the scale was higher than it has been in a year. immediately i dutifully counted my calories and ounces consumed and ate lots of fiber. i was cold-turkey off alcohol.
in 3 days? nothing and i felt just awful. when people i know cut out drinking, pounds melt away like they went for brazilian basement liposuction. a few years back, when i just couldn't kick what felt like avian flu, i also gave up drinking, with the same outcome. my symptoms did not abate and i lost zero weight. the sandman went on vacation because i simply could not get decent rest.
finally, einstein and ben franklin rose up out of the ether and 3-stooged my blockhead. why was i expecting different results when i'd been trying the same thing over and over? dumbass.
most of my adult life i have taken smug satisfaction in "eating well": whole wheat bread, fruits, yogurt, veggies, LOTS of fiber, smatterings of lean protein; no processed foods, no fast foods, cake/candy/ice cream were never a temptation. although very active in my 20s, later on, my weight stayed fairly constant, which i attributed to 90 minutes of brisk daily walking with my big dog and a "healthy diet". i never counted calories and my clothes always fit.
the pound creep began at about 40, which was my mother's exact "danger, will robinson" date of when everything in a woman's body goes to shit. last summer i managed to dump some. i wasn't on mandatory weigh-ins back then, so not sure how truly much, but fit in a few things that hadn't seen my ass in several years. that was great but when that *new* number seemed carved in stone, i was really a mess.
good modern gal that i am, i dove into the internet, with the conviction to put aside conventional wisdom.
i decided to be a lab of one. i had nothing to lose except fat.
some very convincing science looked to answer questions that had nagged me for years. the technique offered was to burn down the food pyramid and turn my diet upside down. instead of 60-70% coming from carbs, that amount is now from fat. ideal protein amount remains about the same at 30-35%, with carbs being a long-distance 3rd. goodbye white starch and hello butter.
i ordered cheap-cheap books and while i waited for the snail mail to arrive, trolled the sites of various scientists and a few wackos. "fat is evil and deadly" ringing in my brain nearly drowned out the new message and it was a tough first few days watching that pool of olive oil heat up before i dumped all those eggs in the pan. kinda like i don't believe in god, but if he came to visit in the flesh, ok? that hard a sell.
the first few days, i was sort of bumbling, not having sufficient info to do it "right". i was convinced my internal system of regulation was very broken, so i wasn't hoping for a magic bullet. just something. anything. the testimonials of so many sounded too good to be true, and i was not in the market for a bridge or florida swampland. granted many of these peeps had over 100 pounds to lose, some 2 or 3 times that, which was at once terrifying and fascinating. however, those with the most girth lose in the beginning most easily, so i noted that too.
what happened? within 24 hours:
i slept like a baby.
i wake up easily and clear-headed.
i no longer got headachy or dizzy from being hungry.
my stomach felt the hunger, not my head.
i felt very full after a meal, and that satisfaction lasted for hours.
i wasn't constantly thinking i needed a "little something" to tide me over til the next meal.
my hair is softer.
my joints are less creaky and way less noisy.
my teeth are cleaner.
my senses of taste and smell are even keener.
i am losing weight.
the holy grail.
since the day of reckoning i have lost 10.5 pounds. in the last 4 days, i have lost 3.5. i haven't gotten the "woosh" that many do, but that just lends further credence to how damaged my switch really is. years of imbalance made it really busted. i didn't gain all these pounds overnight. i had a cautious goal weight for tomorrow. i reached it yesterday! today i was up 2/10ths, but AT the tomorrow weight, so i'm not sobbing in a heap right now.
the owner mentioned this morning how i seem re-energized in something else. it's remarkable how finally achieving a positive result in one arena spills over to others.
i have a long long way still to go and yesterday i thought i might kill a toddler for his peach. i could smell its sweet summer juice many paces away, lol. but things i thought i would crave i don't, which will make this easier. if it takes me longer than some of the miracle kids, i'm ok with that too. it will mean a longer time to discipline myself into new habits.
the owner is thrilled because i no longer frown at his fatty dinner desires and i am enjoying my new normal. and knowing i might someday take the skinny clothes from the bottom back to the top of the pile. :)
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