i can't quit you

he wouldn't shut his pie-hole (really could have stuffed it with hot dogs or blueberries competitively over the weekend since latin bewbies now seem off-limits), but sanford got a pass with the media well-distracted.

plans for the funeral for the dead white-ladyboy pedophile, oxi-clean man and an angel all laid out. cuddly karl malden and evil incarnate macnamara both croaked too. ethnic uprisings, presidential coups, italian earthquakes and obama in russia, and in our harlequin romancer's home-state, a rampaging serial killer murdered 5 people and turned out to have a rap sheet 25 pages long.

lucky for him, he gets to keep playing gubbner! bonus points cuz his girlfriend wasn't his sister or his cross-eyed cousin, AND he paid back some money he might have maybe used that probably wasn't his, i guess. AND he cried ALOT, so he must be truly sorry. his peeps also liked strom thurmond for like 150 years and it's said the lt. gub is an even bigger wacko who might also be a GAY, and we all know god cannot forgive that. so mr. folksy fornicator gets to keep digging holes, praying and crying. god held open the same old door to the gub's office, shut the door to the family manse and locked sanford outside the gate on a prez bid in 2012.

but my favorite milf doesn't want to play governor anymore, so she just won't. nobody pays her no mind up there in the wilds, when she comes down the media is mean; lame ducks and dead fish, her kids voted unanimously, god talked to her and actually serving out the term for which your beloved alaskans (real amurricanz) elected you would be the work of a quitter. ( i love opposite-talk!!)

recently she visited kosovo and this is part of what she said about the troops:

"they're bold, they don't give up, they take a stand and know that LIFE is short so they choose to NOT waste time. They choose to be productive and to serve something greater than SELF..."

yup, they're serving their country and finishing their tours of duty. ya know, like they swore to do when they signed on. honoring country before self, even if it can suck.

she went to 4 different colleges in 5 different stints before finally graduating. she quit the first committee chair position she was given. she's been dogged by ethics investigations with more allegations in the pipeline. a blazing book is due to hit the stands detailing her divaliciousness, her slippery grasp of pimping whatever she deems "truth", even when the first dude says it's not and a life-long unwillingness to learn or to prepare herself with pesky stuff like facts. and she and her lawyers issued a VERY long treatise threatening to sue, sue, sue anybody, that writes, broadcasts, blogs or even thinks to dream anything about sarah that she say's just ain't true. so there.

but my favorite part of her 20-minute amble (what is it with these windy nonsensical god-smackers? do they struggle with being concise cuz god is yelling in their brains?) was this:

"If I have learned one thing: LIFE is about choices!"

but by all means, nobody else should be allowed that choosing stuff. ever. especially when consequences may be personal, long-ranging and /or affect your family.

so now that the pesky tether of a real job and its coinciding ethics is gone, she can rake in money, run around the lower 48, pose for lotsa cheesecake shots and watch that christian lady she hired write that book that she herself got hired to write. (spend time with her kids? nah...) i'm guessing there will be places that pay her to appear, but really, she should take a page out of paris hilton's playbook and not talk when she gets wherever. she consulted with the darth vader-cheney and cross-dressing thrice-married giuliani. pill-poppin' sweatso-fatso limbaugh says it was a "brilliant move". golly, i need to check meghan mccain's twitter feed! what does the new hip guard have to say about sexy sarah cutting loose?

the good and bad news about her resignation is that she will be in our faces ALOT more than i'd hoped. her isolation up there didn't keep her warm and nourished in the spotlight that feeds her narcissism.

god may be opening doors, (such a gentleman!) but for now it looks mostly like to the kathie lee hour of morning chats. but he knows all about doors and paths and the future and talking to sarah, even when she channels him, like, ya know, all direct-like. and he'll tell her exactly what she ought to do and it will be like awesome and real, because it will be exactly what she wants to do too! god is awesome.

so welcome back to them both in the spirit of freedom and being amurricanz.