god loves you, no matter what

celebs were dropping dead like a stardust plague had hit the hollywood hills and then came the flora-dora bravura performance of another outed and rascally fundy peen. senator ensign of nevada must have been kneeling on raw rice til his knobs were bloody, thanking jesus night and day that his sins would get a media bye. oh tut, tut dusty desert wanderer, your dirty laundry is finally getting some air.

she was the treasurer of his pac, and the wife of one of his senior aides. the hamptons and ensigns had been friends for decades, "united by their conservative christian faith." ahem. when their house was burglarized in late 2007, the hampton family was graciously welcomed into the ensign home. with that lovely christian gesture of "mi casa, su casa," ensign decided, "su esposa, mi esposa" and began the affair, under his wife's nose and with a bunch of sunday school students playing x-box in the den.

ahem.

other men on the hill, notably sen. coburn of oklahoma and other members of "the family", tried to convince him to quit the ho, but no. they tried telling him to pay off the sub-prime loan on the hamptons' overly-leveraged home -- to the tune of $1 million -- to make the harlot and her cuckold leave town. he scribbled the above cursory note, but disavowed it, told everybody he was in love with not-his-wife and kept banging her.

coburn is a phsyician and now claiming doctor/patient privilege for his chats and likely strong-arming of ensign. except coburn is an ob/gyn. yeah, a lady doctor. so what the hell kind of treatment was he offering? "uh, john, my friend, this may feel cold at first and then hurt a little bit..."

the hamptons were paid $25,000 as "severance" so that's being investigated.

but then this lovely little golden nugget came to light:

"in april 2008, ensign's parents each made gifts to doug hampton, cindy hampton, and two of their children in the form of a check totaling $96,000. each gift was limited to $12,000. the payments were made as gifts, accepted as gifts and complied with tax rules governing gifts." no technical violations, no taxes owed and a handy keep-mum sum. if all the hamptons take money from the ensigns, are they all whores now, not just the mom?

ensign's parents became richy-rich when the dad divested his shares in the mandalay casino group --that deal netted about $300 million. a 51-year-old "god-fearing" man went home to mommy and daddy and fessed up he was diddling not-his-wife. "daddy and mummy? i've been putting my you-know in not-my-wife's hoo-hoo and uh, if i pay her directly i might get in some doo-doo, so can you pay off my whore for me? oh, yeah, and i brought home a bag of dirty underoos for the wash too."

in case the text above is too small, i've pasted my favorite bit:

"i walked away from him and my relationship with him has suffered terribly. i know he loves me and i know he loves you. he wants to restore darlene to me and wants to restore doug to you. more than that he wants to restore our relationship to him."

yet another god-thumping guy, a pentecostalist, a promise-keeper, a member of "the family", another anti-choice/opposite marriage champ sticking his dick in not-his-wife, but knowing what god wants and thinks. no, dude, ya know what ? if there is a god, he also thinks you're a lying two-faced douchebag.

yes, yes, i know i'm jaded, but i still believe most politicians marry out of convenience, and often for money. they are aggressive opportunists, accustomed to getting their way no matter the fall-out. they make picture-frame families and set their wives into a uniform of helmet hair, pearls and a boxy suit. pop out a few kids and spend precious little time at home. they pander to god-lubbers who continue to lap up the pablum. their emotional and sexual lives grow as hollow as the core of their personal values. then like a crash dieter who hasn't had ice haagen-dazs for weeks, they fall head-first in the tub of indulgence.

with tv on summer hiatus, at least the republicans are offering a new episode each week. too bad the story arcs are all the same.