persistently, now stubbornly, i've yet to turn on my heat. yeah, concrete walls, residual therms from more profligate neighbors, and an occasional stew of something on the stove have kept the place above 66 so far. the leaky windows and gaping doorframes of the albatross made even that temp a near impossible dream. drafts and duvets the order of the day there. so now my goal is to go all winter without clicking on the thermostat. i feel a brief pang when i have a guest, but they all seem to be sufficiently active and don't notice. most say they're too hot, lol. men's motors are faster anyhow, right?so where are they now?
teacher has gone back to his barbells and books. i knew even that mild version of me was more than he could handle. like nigel, my dial goes up to 11. on my amp, we were about a 3. but i could see the alarms go off for him when i said the word "cock". ffs, his was in me. what should i have called it? no worries. he was solid, but our worlds too different. pilot made a pit stop, which was yummy good. mr. minnesota and i are touching new ground via e-mail, which will expedite things on his next visit, and has made us both overly aroused all week, lol. for the longest time, way back when, i had a very fulfilling relationship with a guy who was in the merchant marine academy when we met, did some subsequent seafaring duty, then traveled for an oil company. i am best with guys who aren't around all the time, lol. our liason lasted many years, and was stress-free.
and then the editor...
he's practically melting what little snow is at davos, over-consumed with desire and wanting to have at me. again he's pressing to take me to his "club" for valentine's dinner. i fobbed it off when he mentioned it the first few times. but it matters to him. he wants to take me. he thinks that day/night/dinner is romantic and special. can i knock the bitch out of myself for a few minutes and accept that? the menu looks truly lovely, and he really wants to do something nice. my jadedness about the day can be left at the door, right? it's a private affair, set menu, well-heeled guests. so, you brittle bitch, put on a nice dress and go. sheesh.
hell, i can manage a fork nearly anytime, so i know it's not the "dinner", nor the "appearance" that's at issue. it's that he feels romantic about me and wants to show me. "show" me. make a point of it. prove to me i matter to him. involve me in his life with his colleagues. even to me, a rareified group of some of the country's most important heads (men...). he wants to share me with these people, and these people with me, and add me to his life.
i'm nearly crying typing this.
ok, now crying.
i've told him i'll go, and i'm weirdly looking forward. it will be the 1st time in a million years i don't work that day. i'll be very surprised if i can eat a thing.
it's been a very long time since i felt like a man put me first. more importantly, one who's acting in relation to something he "thought" i might like. that's undeniably sweet. i don't care about the food, i'm sure the wine will be lovely, so there.
No comments:
Post a Comment