ruin't

some years back, i had a hectic day ahead of me. although one not so extraordinary in my life, i was well aware it was the type of day few people would ever know. first, an elegant lunch at the ritz with a very famous french winemaker. i was the only woman at the table, so of course was the center of his attention.

then i hurried to a private tasting event at the four seasons. still more precious drops out of baccarat crystal.

from there, to my four-star place of employment to make a spotlight presentation to a bunch of harvard gajillionaires about the wines i'd selected for their menu degustation.

jumped in a cab, raced over the bridge and across the river, to yet another hoity-toity gathering. a small dinner, for a well-respected california female winemaker and her husband; the only guests were the v.p. of the wholesaling company, his mistress, one other buyer and me. i had told them i would be about 30 minutes late, so to please start without me.

the husband asked about my day. his eyes grew wider as i ticked off my list of indulgences. i admitted being spoiled. he finally burst out laughing, and in his texas flatlander drawl said, "girl, from where aah come from we call that ruin't!"

little did they know the excess was not to end with the souflee, because the gentleman caller was waiting for me at home.

from then on, he and i would laugh about my ruination. after he'd pummelled me with his cock and his hands, ridden hard my mind, and again reached still further into my heart; while i lay in his arms, vibrating with devotion, he'd whisper in his proprietary way that i was ruin't.

i flourished under his hand. his savage sexual usage of me actualized me like nothing else had before. his fierce intellect kept me keen. his possession of me as chattel made me free. never had i been so complete and so happy.

we met four years ago today. i am a very changed woman. he shaped and trained me so that he was the ultimate focus of every breath i was allowed. and those i wasn't. he held my very life in his hands, and took my heart. she has forced him to repudiate me and he has done so. what am i now?

ruin't indeed.