it's my party and i'll cry if i want to

on the day when it will be possible for woman to love not in her weakness but in strength, not to escape herself but to find herself, not to abase herself but to assert herself -- on that day love will become for her, as for man, a source of life...
~~simone debeauvoir

i never had anything that made me more free. yet now that he no longer is in the position of accepting it, i feel its prisoner.

although i'm still unsure why i spent hours on his birthday sobbing...