Friday, December 14, 2007

america's game

our crispy feet haven't wandered much into sports, but i've got family ties, personal acquaintance, owner's fervid interest, and pop-culture-junkie bright eyes, so more than time, huh?

mitchell report today, and already conspiracy talk of why so few dirty sox. mo vaughan was too long ago. clemens looks to be clean while in boston. eric gagne? never mind an asterisk, we all wish we could just wite-out him off last year's roster completely. like official state photos from the stalin era. comrade was there, but, uh-oh ... snip -- poof -- next stop siberian gulag ! i heard murmurs about my man varitek and rushed home to look. phew. no whiff on those big thighs. oh, yes they grew to mighty oaks from all the squats. ;)

mitchell, although willing to name names, was careful to remind that many of these findings were old, and not a current reflection on certain players or the game. how much brow-beating went on before this thing came out? same guys who had the brick-bats before the 9/11 report got released? the players' rep said, "gee, maybe we should have done something sooner." uh, hello? alice in wonderland is on the phone. there can be no sooner if there is no now.

just like madonna can say she's never gone under the knife, mlb can cry wolf all night long about the dope. look at pix from the early 80s when these guys actually became athletes (as opposed to guys like mantle and martin who drank and sometimes played ball) and 2000+ pix. they went from strong to monstrous.

all my life i've known athletes. my grandfather was a scout (yeah, yeah, an excuse to get away from the 5 kids and wife and hang and booze and have affairs with glamorous babes -- not a bad one, eh?) and that meant i got toted to his bar or they were drinking whisky and beer at the house. those guys washed up early and often, and most wound up strapped, unlike my stock-broker grandpa. later, venues of employ and influence brought me into contact with all sorts.

sports have never been clean. yeah, i cry when i watch "the natural", and my grandfather knew both billy jurges and eddie waitkus. (family legend claims he was there right after waitkus got shot.) black sox, hank greenberg, jackie robinson, pete rose, the sox being the LAST team to diversify, bouton's tell-all "ball four". all ugly. all of it. baseball has always been a business. why are people shocked by this?

over here, we've got michael vicks shuffled off to the big house. he bank-rolled a dog-fighting ring and personally killed some. why doesn't the nfl just come right out and ban him? most corners agree this is beyond the scope of jock deviancy. i'm not prepared right now to go into the racial divide on it, cuz it exists, in my kitchens and with people like jaime foxx. most rational folk admit this is a horror. he pled out. he's not denying. he had promise. he had a bunch of good games and one great game. his hubris got the best of him. he will be in jail more than 2 seasons and be nearly 30 when released. "the longest yard"? um, not. he's so extra dirty, yet the nfl knows he will remain semi-marketable when he gets out, so they have yet to cut him loose.

what was accomplished by the list of names? about 100 guys get tarred. testimony and accusations came from a very small group of suppliers and skin-poppers. as hateful as they may be, why do guys like clemens and even bonds have to bear the brunt? does anybody really think it wasn't/isn't a majority of players indulging? just look at them, for god's sake.

where is the disincentive to dope? not in gajillion dollar paychecks. not with an admin that looked the other way for years while ad revenue skyrocketed. not even with the real and short-term likelihood of an early and ugly death. all these footballers in their 50s coming forward with brains of multiply-concussed mush might have some advice to offer. did lyle alzado or that homocidal-suicidal wwf guy get buried with a phone in their grave? they might warrant a call.

mlb cannot be trusted to police itself. it hasn't, it won't. milk and honey from the golden goose, and a river runs through it, lol. penalty backlash is pointless. selig and his minions turned a blind eye, so it seems beyond irrational to demonize the few that got bagged. let the dust settle fast. talk about "from this day forward." if they choose to, guys can get clean over the summer.

the tests have to be truly random. what's right? one strike? two, and you're out? i'm thinking it's like enron and adelphia and what should have happened there. take their assets. everything. (give vicks' money to a pit bull rescue society -- they sure need it.) forbid these guys from playing, coaching, consulting or commenting. SHUN THEM. like the amish and the puritans. spurn and turn them out. if some college kid sees a young starter or 2 or 10 going down over a piss test, career ruined, he will think twice. hey, it worked out for roger williams, right?

OR...

allow the doping. let these guys blow up into zeppelins of power. we see the bulging pockets that result. maybe we should stop playing pretend? just don't skimp on the retirement medical bennies.

how soon before the new version of "american gladiator" actually puts a guy in the ring with some lions and bears? cross it with ultimate cage fighting and i think we have the new sport for the next decade.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

what makes you think yours isn't read?