let's get physical

"lemme hear your body talk..."

way back in 6th grade, i ate a bunch of strawberries. not just a cup or a bowl, but an entire quart. they were perfect and sweetly red and tangy and juicy. within hours, i had a blotchy rash all over my stomach, chest and neck. it threatened to creep to my face, so i was allowed to skip the next day of school.

it was YEARS til my mother told me that famous rash day was the 4th time in a row my dad blew me off. it was that same number of years til i ate another strawberry, presuming an allergy, not emotional manifestation.

tonight i received the opposite of what i wanted.

he withdrew. he stayed away.

even though i spent the week trying to gird myself, i got hot and dizzy and sick. my ears were filled with a buzzing while he talked. my eyes welled and my heart raced. luckily i was at work and very busy.

now, i'm long home, and it's late, and i'm letting myself cry.

"pretty music", his mean grandmother might have said.

i just have no place else to put "it".

i get smaller and smaller, huh?